The stars shine above a sea of clouds. I cannot see them, but I take comfort in their presence, nonetheless. Late nights are rare in this chapter of my life, I strive for early morning darkness instead of late evening. But I cherish their silence. Late nights are a time for reflection, for strong brown drink, for planning. Different from a crisp morning full of potential, nights are full of unkempt dreams and gut wrenching longing. They speak to what could have been, and tickle the mind as to what can still be.
“Follow your passion”
“If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”
“Do what you love.”
We need to work, as much as that sucks. We need to make money and support ourselves so we can have shelter, eat, and be safe. The money we make in exchange for work performed is then exchanged for goods and services that others create. It’s a good system. However, many people will tell you to follow your passions, to do what you love.
I totally disagree.
Here’s my problem with that method; it only works for a very, very few. In some cases, you can’t support yourself doing what you love. And, 5 years from now (or 10, or 30), are you still going to have the same fervor for what you’re doing?
I don’t want to come to hate my passions. Instead, I’d prefer to love my passions, and work at doing what I’m good at.
We all have choices. Some days we are fucking hardened and aggressive, pushing for more whether or not it’s deserved. Other days we’re maybe passive and complacent, allowing others to walk past us, over us, through us. The rest of the days we are assertive, pushing for what’s fair and empathetically assessing each moment of our lives. I will let my life err on the side of assertion, empathy, fairness. I will work to be kind before I’m rude, think before speaking, work hard before insisting others do so.
for what it’s worth, i was never honest. at least not with myself. i wanted so badly to be that person that you saw as desirable, i never bothered discovering who i was, what i wanted, why i lived. fast forward all this time, and so much has changed. mainly, i no longer give a fuck. bless it.
the balance of down time to wasted time is no balance, but a constant brawl between the different people within my spirit, urging me onward, and begging for respite.
if this is the end, may you hold your head high, may you rest easy by night, may you be confident in your knowledge that you did what was fair and right.
what is the root of all evil? power? greed? i believe it is the desire for more. it is the extremities to which we push ourselves. it is the desire not for what is fair and reasonable, but for what we can get for ourselves. it is our desire to dominate, to control, to dictate.
it is the greed we place for ourselves over the humanity around us.